Today at church I was weeding through the last speaker's comments, trying to decide where his teachings and my belief system intersected, trying to mark said intersection on the map of truth as I know it at this moment. As I was quietly either mildly agreeing or disagreeing with him, I found that his pronounced double chin began addressing me. Waving in a modern dance. "Look at me" it said. I imagined that it had grown a mouth and Little Shop of Horrors began playing in my ear. "Feed me Seymour" it said. (Can you tell I have ADD.) I immediately went down the yellow brick road of confusion as to why calorie/couch addicts can go to the temple and apparently hold positions of distinction in church service whilst other addicts are excluded. Inside I was growling. And then two things my personal life teachers have said came to mind--Jesus said to take the huge-ass battering ram out of my own eye before I endeavor to ask this guy to take the toothpick out of his pig-in-a-blanket. And Gandhi said to become the change I seek in the world. I stopped growling.
Since I want to get lean and mean for 40, I am going to put myself on an addiction recovery program. First of all my definition of addiction is thusly: "Something I do to feel good, that brings a net negative benefit to my life and that I haven't been able to stop at will." My list is long from nail-biting and self-defeating thoughts, to cussing, fatalism, narcissism, cheese/mayonnaise and beyond. I am using the Hicks' book "Ask and it is Given," the sacred writings of the world's great religions, and will start twelve stepping. I will also experiment on methods of a variety of religious orders that have proven over the ages to help one transcend out of balance desire--uh, short of self-flagellation. Didn't like it as a child, and will not as an adult I presume.
So this holding-pattern year (the one where I don't know what to do next, or where I will end up living, or whether to adopt/work/write a novel/get a tummy tuck) will not be a lost-year but one of self improvement and prep for a happy future. Should be interesting.
4 comments:
Hope all goes well. As far as which addicts are allowed in the temple, I've asked myself and Jared the same question...In a temple recommend interview, all that is asked of the interviewee is, "Do you keep the Word of Wisdom?" I guess it's up to the interviewee to interpret whether he/she is keeping it.
You should read Animal, Vegetable, Miracle through your quest.
Also, that's why we're asked not to judge. But, I think there is a major difference between addictions that damage spiritually (even through tangible means) and those that damage us physically. I'm glad I'm not in the judgment seat, as far too many people would probably be condemned.
Let me try this again.
I wasn't hinting that nourishing one's body isn't spiritual, to me an addiction to alcohol or pornography is more spiritually damaging. I suppose it all comes down to self-control, self-mastery. We all have something we're trying to master, right?
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